Reborn again. That's how I feel like at the age of 21 right now. I feel as if I am reborn again.
Not this Reborn
Let me tell you it is a good feeling. I've never been so at peace before in my life, at least, not since childhood. Ah, childhood...The happy carefree days where you didn't think twice about whether or not you were pretty and if your brother's friend thinks you're hot or not. And then there was adolescence! A horrible experience for me and I've got the battle scars to prove it...Well, not really. But I do have the memories and trust me some of them were pretty bad. But as horrible a time I had growing into a teenager, I have to admit that there were some good times in it too. Like the friends I've made who are loyal and good still. And Miss Geraldine Chin, my ace fave English teacher who was super awesome! And the moments in school...Just small little moments like waiting for the annoying assembly bell to go off, walking to the koperasi to get my usual RM0.50 chocolate bun and Nescafe Mocha, or like going for Taekwondo and drooling after my first Taekwando master (he was kind of hot in a Chinese/Jap/Korean type of way) and other stuff like waiting for the bus to arrive or in my later years, for my dad to arrive and other stuff like that.
High school sucks
No doubt, high school was a deep dark horrifying place for any hormonal and insecure teen but I don't regret going through the whole process. In other words, I'd rather just go back to school than go to prison. Heh. (opposing a Glee cast member)
My teenage years weren't kind to me. I grew up thinking I was fat and that no one wanted me. The problem with me was that I always knew I was pretty but my love for food was just too strong. I always always thought "If I were slim, boys would want me." and "If I were slim, I'd be pretty!". It was awful but I've come to realize that I was WRONG. Dead wrong! I should've known that even slim girls get dumped, even handsome get elbowed and that there was and is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! I am a perfect creation of Allah SWT and I should have never been so insecure in the first place! I've come to love myself and what I've become part of how I got to be who I am today was by going through high school. So I guess, even though it hurt and even though I may have some horrible memories, I am NOT going to ever stop believing in myself! I know now that people picked on me not because I was fat or ugly. It was because I was special. I am special. And they were just JEALOUS sons of bitches.
I know now that I am beautiful no matter what they say. I know now that words could never bring me down ever again. I'll never stop believing in myself and loving myself. Because honestly, who would love you if you didn't love yourself first? I'm a humble person and I'd never say it aloud to anyone in this whole world but since nobody reads this blog anyway, I'm just going to write whatever it is that I feel right now! And right now I feel so god damned pretty and so god damned in love with myself and if anyone opposes then they can go shove a baton up their ass!
I am pretty, gorgeous, smart, beautiful inside and out and I don't care about what others will say about it! I'll never go back to being a wall flower, too afraid to show her feelings and speak her mind...I'm born again as a new person, a whole new me! The me that was dying to get out and break away from the bulimic, scared, unstable zombie of a girl. It took me eight years to get there but now I'm there and it is such a RELIEF! All it took was some courage, praying, loving and getting over a crush. Thank you ex-crush because if it wasn't for you, I'd probably always be the same person. Thank you so much for giving me so much joy even if it was for a brief period of time. Thank you so much for making my heart race. Thank you so much for entertaining me even when you didn't want me as anything more than a friend. Thank you for delivering me to my new self. I never regretted liking you...:) And thanks to Allah, you and myself, I'm reborn.
The Pursuit of Happyness